He is good.

"I did not choose to devote my life to Jesus because I was scared to death of hell or because I wanted crowns in heaven... but because he is good."

Shane Claiborne

He is good. Lord, let me rest in that promise.

fall days

and the story continues

You may remember that Andy and I were really just friends at one point (for real, remember?). Sometimes we wonder how we were ever just friends. I know those of you who knew is in Malawi are giving the biggest eye roll ever at that statement. You all seemed to see things so much more clearly than we did. But, all of those details are part of our story.

On October 30th, we added another chapter to our story. Many of you are begging for details, so here they are. Pictures and all.

First, dinner at Queen Sheba Ethiopian Restaurant. We loved going to Ethiopian food in Malawi with our friends. In fact, the Malawi restaurant even has the same name. The food was delicious and it's a pretty intimate meal to share together, since you eat it with your hands!Then, we went and walked around downtown Portland. We were just walking around looking at things, really. Andy was careful to keep me on his right side, since he was holding precious cargo in his jacket pocket. At one point I though I might have felt something, but figured it was just his cell phone or something. He was waiting for the perfect moment. It didn't come in Portland though. So we headed home.
We got home and Andy poured us some wine (made from this one kind of fruit that isn't really a grape, but grows in Alabama, I forget what it's called) and plugged in the iPod with the special playlist we had been listening to in the car. He even titled it "date night." Cute. My suspicions were aroused a little bit because he kept his coat right next to where we were sitting on the couch. Hmm. We were cuddling on the couch and reminiscing about the first time Andy told me that he loved me and hoped to marry me. At that point our song came on (You Are the Best Thing, Ray LaMontange) and he said, "I have some more to add to that conversation. Is that okay?" I said, "Okay." He reached (very stealthily) into his jacket and pulled out the ring box and said, "Will you marry me?" I was slightly confused, and in shock. We hugged, we kissed, I was laughing. I remembered that he asked a question that required an answer. I said yes and we hugged some more. After a couple of minutes I realized that I hadn't even looked at the ring. I asked to see it and he put in on my finger. It is beautiful. I love it. Not as much as I love him though. We took these pictures a few minutes later. Enjoy!

O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward to Thy glorious rest above!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches o’er His loved ones, died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth, watcheth o’er them from the throne!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, love of every love the best!
’Tis an ocean full of blessing, ’tis a haven giving rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, ’tis a heaven of heavens to me;
And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to Thee!

AMEN!

been a while...

September is almost over. This is the first time I've spent September in Oregon since 2006. The leaves are changing a little bit (that usually happens more in October), the temperature is dropping, and the rain is starting. In fact, we just lit our first fire of the season. In our house we have a rule that the heater can't be turned on until November. Hence, the sweatpants, sweat shirt, and blanket that are keeping me warm.

I don't have anything too profound to share at this moment, but there are some ways you can pray, if you would like to.

• Hospice says Auntie Anne has 3-10 days left. My family is beginning the familiar process of gathering together in anticipation of goodbye.
• Andy and I are still trying to work out our future. Or rather, waiting on God to direct our future. Pray that we would be content where he has placed us, and patient as we wait.

equations and magic

I have never really been in a position quite like this. Honestly, I’m really tired of it. I know that I’m not supposed to be in control and I know that I’m supposed to trust God and I know that he’ll take care of me and all of that. But, I am really tired of being completely in the dark. Of being pulled one way and then the opposite way on a daily basis.

It’s so easy for me to think like this: Once I trust God enough, once I let go enough, once I release it to Him...THEN I’ll know my answers. I’ve heard my fair share of sermons like that, and I’ve heard enough testimonials like that to know that it is a popular thought. It might not be all wrong. God does desire our deepest trust, and he does want us to surrender control of our lives to him. I do believe that. I don’t believe that we are capable of it on our own. If we are then the question becomes, how much is enough? How much trust is enough trust? How much letting go is enough? It turns into an equation: Enough trust + enough surrender = revealing of God’s will, giving of my answers, etc. We are not waiting for the magical combination of trust and dependence to click and then God will wave his wand and the problem will be fixed.

Frankly, I think it is quite selfish of me to believe that God accomplishing his will in my life and in the world depends on how much I trust him. I don’t believe that God needs anything from me. Desire deeply? Yes. Need? No. Though he does want me to trust him, and he may be teaching me how to trust him more (he most certainly is!), I don’t believe he is holding me in suspense and in limbo waiting for the lesson to finally sink in before he plops me down in the center of his will.

So, if I am not waiting for a balanced equation or a magical combination, where does that leave me? On my knees. Praying for God’s Spirit to work in me, to comfort me, to lead me, to give me joy in the midst of uncertainty.

Photo Album!

Here's a bunch of the pictures from our recent adventures in Oregon and Alabama. Good times!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2026902&id=98300908&l=b1e4fee9ca

Take A Moment

One of my professors used begin class the same way every time. "Let's take a moment," she would say. And then she would pause in silence as we quieted our hearts and minds before the Lord.

I am not very good at "taking moments" without being reminded. But that's what life is about- the moments that cause us to be still. We may be still from awe, or praise, or joy, or even fear or sadness, but the point is that we are still. Our attention is moved away from ourselves and our eyes are lifted heavenward toward our loving Father.

I'm at a crossroads right now. It's easy to focus on the uncertainty of the future, and to romanticize the past during times of transition. I don't want to do that. I want to practice living in the present. So, I thought "take a moment" would be an appropriate way to focus my new (post-Malawi) blog. I hope that my "moments" will help you to appreciate your own moments, and ultimately direct our eyes toward Jesus.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2